Achy Breaky Heart
Did I ever tell you about the time when Julia received her first injection? Or the time Ethan needed an IV put in?? Or when Noah said "mommy" as I handed him to the doctors and nurses that were going to operate on him?? I cried like a baby. I cannot handle any pain inflicted on my children at the hands of anyone...I'm such a suckpot!! I have a couple of stories to share with you...
First of all, I forgot to mention how Noah's first day of creche went last week. For the two weeks prior to his start day, Noah would ask me, "do I have creche today?" He was so excited about creche, which I should mention is similar to duffer doo. I dropped him off and he took off to play right away. I was so proud of him. He kissed me goodbye and went to play with the cars. My first morning without any children. Now, what to do?! I went to the cafe, ordered a moccacino, and a freshfruit platter. I was able to read a magazine from cover to cover...now there's an accomplishment. However, that feat done, I found myself checking my watch every five minutes counting down to Ethan's pick up, followed by Noah's pick up. I was overwhelmed with this feeling of failure..like I couldn't handle my kids so I shuffled them off to creche, and now, I failed myself, I couldn't even keep myself occupied for three hours! I wasn't even able to enjoy my freedom... When I picked him up, he was having a blast, playing in the overly muddy sand box. He was covered in bits of mud from his toes to his ears. I had a hard time getting to him to leave the sand (rather mud) pit. Before he climbed into his car seat, I had to strip him down to his nappy (diaper). Now, let me be back up a bit... When I arrived at creche to pick up Noah, the first people to speak to me were the teachers there. They let me know, one after the other, not knowing the one before them had spoken to me already, that Noah had shed quite a few tears, wanting his mommy. They didn't call me because he was consolable. He spent some time cuddling one of the teachers. To this, my heart ached. My emotions made me feel as though I had failed him while logically, I realise that this is a part of life..I mean this was his first time being taken care of by "strangers" (I had taken him there previously on three separate occasions, and he loved it). Deep breath in..and find my little man. He's so happy that I feel much better. That evening upon recalling to Brian how his first day at creche was, he says, "I don't like it", "I cried". For the next few days, we spoke of the fun he had, and he seemed a little more at ease talking about but come the following Thursday, he cried from the moments he woke up that he didn't want to go to creche at all. I felt badly for him but it got worse. Between sobs, he was saying over and over, "I don't want to go to creche mommy, please don't take me". My heart ached again..what to do, what to do. He literally cried all morning while I prepared lunches, snacks and change of clothes for Noah at creche (I was going to be prepared this time should he get all wet and muddy again). The tears poured on and the guilt continued to build up. I played with him a bit, trying to distract him. Once he seemed nicely settled, I kissed him goodbye (my fatal mistake) to which he began to cry..no let me restate that..he began to sob and wail. I felt sick. I don't know who was having a harder time. The teachers said if I was brave enough to leave him to nod and they would pry him off my leg. It took everything in me not to cry. Once I got in my car, I broke down. I know..he's in good hands but I felt I should be there to soothe and console him..it's my job. I go home because I am feeling sick to my stomach. I try to read..can't. I attempt to bake but am really feeling ill to my stomach. I am so worried about Noah that I can't get him off my mind. Brian calls me from work to ask how it went to which I begin crying again..I'm so weak. I try to change my mind by going to the cafe as per Brian's suggestion. I order a moccacino, and a bagel with cream cheese. I reluctantly eat but still feel sick. I try to read my book but am too distracted. I make it through those excrutiating three hours, pick up Ethan and then go to get Noah. Apparently, this time, he did cry (but I had brought his soother for him) but at snack time when he takes his soother out of his mouth to eat, a teacher sneaks it away and the rest of the morning, he has a fantastic time. Again, I was greeted with a very wet boy. He was happy to see me and didn't want to leave. I take this as an improvement but upon mention of next weeks' class, he begins to cry again. I don't know if I can take anymore of this... I'll keep you posted.
Number two..
A few months ago, when Brian was away on business, Ethan slept with me at night. I very quickly realised that he wasn't breathing..that's right..not breathing. I panicked. I couldn't fall asleep because he kept stopping and starting breathing and I kept waiting for the next time..I was able to count to ten a few times. That's a long time for a little guy to not be breathing. I took him to the doctors on the Monday and the doctor prescribed a steroid nasal spray. His glands are huge and explains why he snores and other behaviours associated with Ethan. Apparently, symptoms of sleep apnea include, poor concentration, hyperactivity, snoring, not breathing (duh), even asthma and wetting the bed. Ethan has each of these although I should mention that he hasn't wet the bed in at least 8 if not 9 weeks. Perhaps he's finally outgrown that. Anywho...after 6 weeks of steroid treatment, there had been no change so the doctor has booked us a follow-up appointment with a specialist at the hospital. I am quite worried as Ethan tends to not like doctors touching him. This is probably because of the trips we had to make to emergency when he was younger. Poor lad. Well, tomorrow is the day of our appointment. I am not looking forward to it at all...the poor nurse that will have to hold him down while they slip a camera up his nose..good luck. I wish I could take his place..poor guy...he will not be pleased..perhaps a trip to McD's afterward will be justified. Be strong I tell myself..thank goodness Brian is coming with me otherwise I would be a total wreck. FYI: The doctor assured me that this is not life threatening, however it definately has an impact on ones life. It means that the patient is never in deep sleep because the brain constantly wakes you up to get you breathing again, hence the loss of concentration throughout the day. I wonder what we'll find out tomorrow.
More to come following our appointment.
Love and hugs, Nathalie
First of all, I forgot to mention how Noah's first day of creche went last week. For the two weeks prior to his start day, Noah would ask me, "do I have creche today?" He was so excited about creche, which I should mention is similar to duffer doo. I dropped him off and he took off to play right away. I was so proud of him. He kissed me goodbye and went to play with the cars. My first morning without any children. Now, what to do?! I went to the cafe, ordered a moccacino, and a freshfruit platter. I was able to read a magazine from cover to cover...now there's an accomplishment. However, that feat done, I found myself checking my watch every five minutes counting down to Ethan's pick up, followed by Noah's pick up. I was overwhelmed with this feeling of failure..like I couldn't handle my kids so I shuffled them off to creche, and now, I failed myself, I couldn't even keep myself occupied for three hours! I wasn't even able to enjoy my freedom... When I picked him up, he was having a blast, playing in the overly muddy sand box. He was covered in bits of mud from his toes to his ears. I had a hard time getting to him to leave the sand (rather mud) pit. Before he climbed into his car seat, I had to strip him down to his nappy (diaper). Now, let me be back up a bit... When I arrived at creche to pick up Noah, the first people to speak to me were the teachers there. They let me know, one after the other, not knowing the one before them had spoken to me already, that Noah had shed quite a few tears, wanting his mommy. They didn't call me because he was consolable. He spent some time cuddling one of the teachers. To this, my heart ached. My emotions made me feel as though I had failed him while logically, I realise that this is a part of life..I mean this was his first time being taken care of by "strangers" (I had taken him there previously on three separate occasions, and he loved it). Deep breath in..and find my little man. He's so happy that I feel much better. That evening upon recalling to Brian how his first day at creche was, he says, "I don't like it", "I cried". For the next few days, we spoke of the fun he had, and he seemed a little more at ease talking about but come the following Thursday, he cried from the moments he woke up that he didn't want to go to creche at all. I felt badly for him but it got worse. Between sobs, he was saying over and over, "I don't want to go to creche mommy, please don't take me". My heart ached again..what to do, what to do. He literally cried all morning while I prepared lunches, snacks and change of clothes for Noah at creche (I was going to be prepared this time should he get all wet and muddy again). The tears poured on and the guilt continued to build up. I played with him a bit, trying to distract him. Once he seemed nicely settled, I kissed him goodbye (my fatal mistake) to which he began to cry..no let me restate that..he began to sob and wail. I felt sick. I don't know who was having a harder time. The teachers said if I was brave enough to leave him to nod and they would pry him off my leg. It took everything in me not to cry. Once I got in my car, I broke down. I know..he's in good hands but I felt I should be there to soothe and console him..it's my job. I go home because I am feeling sick to my stomach. I try to read..can't. I attempt to bake but am really feeling ill to my stomach. I am so worried about Noah that I can't get him off my mind. Brian calls me from work to ask how it went to which I begin crying again..I'm so weak. I try to change my mind by going to the cafe as per Brian's suggestion. I order a moccacino, and a bagel with cream cheese. I reluctantly eat but still feel sick. I try to read my book but am too distracted. I make it through those excrutiating three hours, pick up Ethan and then go to get Noah. Apparently, this time, he did cry (but I had brought his soother for him) but at snack time when he takes his soother out of his mouth to eat, a teacher sneaks it away and the rest of the morning, he has a fantastic time. Again, I was greeted with a very wet boy. He was happy to see me and didn't want to leave. I take this as an improvement but upon mention of next weeks' class, he begins to cry again. I don't know if I can take anymore of this... I'll keep you posted.
Number two..
A few months ago, when Brian was away on business, Ethan slept with me at night. I very quickly realised that he wasn't breathing..that's right..not breathing. I panicked. I couldn't fall asleep because he kept stopping and starting breathing and I kept waiting for the next time..I was able to count to ten a few times. That's a long time for a little guy to not be breathing. I took him to the doctors on the Monday and the doctor prescribed a steroid nasal spray. His glands are huge and explains why he snores and other behaviours associated with Ethan. Apparently, symptoms of sleep apnea include, poor concentration, hyperactivity, snoring, not breathing (duh), even asthma and wetting the bed. Ethan has each of these although I should mention that he hasn't wet the bed in at least 8 if not 9 weeks. Perhaps he's finally outgrown that. Anywho...after 6 weeks of steroid treatment, there had been no change so the doctor has booked us a follow-up appointment with a specialist at the hospital. I am quite worried as Ethan tends to not like doctors touching him. This is probably because of the trips we had to make to emergency when he was younger. Poor lad. Well, tomorrow is the day of our appointment. I am not looking forward to it at all...the poor nurse that will have to hold him down while they slip a camera up his nose..good luck. I wish I could take his place..poor guy...he will not be pleased..perhaps a trip to McD's afterward will be justified. Be strong I tell myself..thank goodness Brian is coming with me otherwise I would be a total wreck. FYI: The doctor assured me that this is not life threatening, however it definately has an impact on ones life. It means that the patient is never in deep sleep because the brain constantly wakes you up to get you breathing again, hence the loss of concentration throughout the day. I wonder what we'll find out tomorrow.
More to come following our appointment.
Love and hugs, Nathalie
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